By Devaki Devi Dasi
When the diagnose of cancer hits us, we experience a sobering wake-up call. It might take some time to come to terms with it, and accept the facts of reality. We might struggle with a tendency for denial – no, can’t be! How can this happen to me…?! And the mind and false ego object. One of the main challenges is having to let go of so many of our wonderful plans, and having to accept Krsna’s plan. And this is such a healthy and important exercise, since we will have to go through the same challenge when facing death. At that point it will be a more final exercise, whereas now it is a more temporary one, since Krsna will allow us again to make further plans – for some time. And we all have our attachments to our plans! Naturally, as a traveling preaching we are attached to our traveling schedule – all the wonderful places we want to visit in this world to serve the devotees. And because some subtle gratification comes along, we develop attachment to our plans. It is a challenge for the false ego to come to terms, that we will have to cancel all those wonderful plans and let go of them. The false ego certainly doesn’t like it, and objects. We might for some time keep ourselves in this hope and illusion, that we can still maintain at least some of our plans – until we realize that we will just have to let go, and accept Krsna’s plan…..! A devotee is grateful for the opportunity to go through such exercise again and again. Unless Krsna gives us repeated warnings, we can almost forget that time is ticking on, and is gradually running out. We can easily fall again into this illusion, thinking that death will never happen to us. Therefore Krsna is mercifully shaking us up…. As long as we hang onto our plans, there is intense anxiety: will Krsna fulfill our hopes and plans, or not?! Only when we let go of our plans, and truly hand ourselves over into Krsna’s hands, in the mood of saying: “Here I am, Krsna, I am Yours! I am ready to accept whatever You will arrange…!” Only then we will be truly peaceful, because only then we are truly taking shelter.