Scared to become a devotee

Hare KrishnaBy Jatayu dasa

I made all my own decisions, I was my own man, but I was also unhappy. I wanted to break away completely from the material world. I wanted God in my life. I want to try it, I thought. But what if I failed? What will I have to give up? I was really scared now. I will have to give up rock and roll and I will have to follow rules and regulations. But deep down inside, my hearts said try it. Scared I was but I took a few steps. And wow, it worked, kind of. I didn’t become a saint and I didn’t see the white light but I did begin to feel an inner peace. I took another step and fell down. And it hurt. I took another step and fell down. What now? I tried again and started to walk. I began to realize that Krsna was everywhere, even in my own life. I began to understand that Krsna was a person and that I had a relationship with Him, a loving relationship that was eternal. I was actually becoming happy. Sometimes even tears of joy came to my eyes. I even gave up rock and roll, and I survived. Today, I’m still scared but I keep taking those next steps. I still fall down and I still get back up. I’m succeeding in spiritual life. But I did not do it alone. I always found the greatest source of strength from my devotee friends. Of course, I had to reach out to them; they could not read my mind. I had to ask for help.